why computers really aren't such a great thing:

1) because they stress me out.
2) because I foolishly rely on CNET to be worth a damn.

I agreed, on the suggestion of Dr. Smartypants, to install an additional RAM module in our desktop machine (a somewhat clunky emachines T2484 that is a couple of years old.)

We were at Fry's at this ridiculous sale on May 20, which included such super buys as internal DVD burners for $39, with no fucking irritating rebates. We also got a 512mb DIMM RAM module for $49, with a $30 mail-in fucking irritating rebate.

So after looking at the RAM for a little over a week, I finally decided to try to install it, since I am butting up on Fry's fucking irritating 14 day return policy on computer equipment.

So I installed popped open the case (ignoring the emachines tamper sticker, since we're well past the warranty period anyway), installed the memory module in the empty slot in what seemed to be a process far too easy to be true, closed the case, and booted up. You can guess the pre-lunchline: it was, indeed, far too easy to be true.

The machine started up fine, but didn't recognize the new memory. (Still only showing 256mb.) So I cracked it open again, and tried re-seating the memory: still no recognition. Then I did the minimal troubleshooting that CNET's SHITTY guide to installing new memory recommends: I unseated and re-seated both the existing and the new memory modules. (Yes, all of you wiseasses out there: I did carefully ground myself EVERY time before I touched either of the memory modules.)

Crisis ensues: now the machine won't boot up at all, and instead emits a LOUD, prolonged (two to three seconds) beeping noise on startup. Sigh. I resign myself the the new memory being defective, crack open the case again, and pluck it out.

Crisis now at catastrophe level: same result, even with the existing, factory installed memory the only memory in the machine. I congratulate myself for backing up all of the most critical data before engaging in this fool's errand, and make a crisis phone call to my trusty computer expert, Mister .'.

I leave Mister .'. a whiny voicemail, and decide to go research my problem a little further. Well, it only takes me about twenty seconds of reading a competent guide on installing memory, on crucial.com, to come across this critical point, clearly expressed in two different places:

Push Hard
When the ejector pins snap up around the module your memory is installed.
...
Use your thumbs to press the module into the slot. Press hard! It takes about 20 lb of pressure to get the module properly inserted in the slot. When you hear a "click" and both side ejector clips snap up around the module, you know it is installed correctly.

Indeed, I've now seen elsewhere on the web that it can take up to 40 pounds of pressure to properly install RAM modules, and most sites recommend 20 to 30 pounds.

To finish this already boring story: I cracked open the case for baout the tenth time, and yeah, when you really apply pressure, they seat fine, and work great. The computer is now veritably clipping along with 768mb of RAM. Hoo-ha!