Dell tech "support"

I'm so goddamn irritated with Dell right now, that I can barely stand to explain it any further. I'm pasting in notes below on my FOUR interactions with Dell tech "support" today: three on the phone, one online. The best thing that can be said is that the online chat support guy didn't hang up on me, transfer me inappropriately, or fail to call me back as "Jennifer" (the first phone person) promised to.

All in all, this began Friday 10/14/2005, starting ~1:30pm MDT, and completing ~6:30pm MDT

Call #1: At least "Jennifer" had me run the (worthless) Dell diagnostic
tools. But then since the hard drive scan function was taking so long, she
insisted that she had to call me back, in "precisely" thirty minutes. Of
course, she failed to, despite having my cell phone and home phone
numbers.

Call #2: Random male was completely mystified by the problem, and without
telling me or asking me, transferred me to the pay-for-support number.

Call #3: Random woman was of even less help than before, and seemed
boggled by the idea that I did not possess an original Windows XP cd. I explained,
patiently, that new computers haven't (to my experience) shipped with
Windows XP CDs in years, only "recovery" CDs. I also explained to her that
when I'm using wireless, the wireless indicator light occasionally goes
off, even though the connection keeps working. She told me, vaguely, that
we'd fix that too. Ha, ha.
She mostly ran through the Power Options control panel, and had me do the
same things I did a month and a half ago when I spoke with a phone tech
service person. She hung up on me shortly after.

Next: online "chat" with technical support. "Abhishek_Punj" had me do the
same things in the Power Options, mostly, and ultimately told me:

{Abhishek_Punj 7:22:40 PM} Not to worry.If the issue is not resolved
then I will give you a system exchange if you want.

HA, HA! I somehow doubt that Abhishek_Punj is, himself, authorized to give me a system exchange, but I sure do look forward to THAT conversation.

Just in case you don't want to read through the entire snoozefest, I have bolded my favorite parts. I also suggest the latter parts, after about 7:04pm, as the best reading.

Welcome to Dell Chat. Please wait for an available agent. You will be notified when your chat is accepted by an agent.
The session has been accepted.

{Abhishek_Punj 6:43:26 PM} Thank you for contacting Dell Consumer Hardware Warranty Support for Portables. My name is Abhishek. Please allow me a couple of minutes to pull up your system and the warranty details.
{ 6:43:48 PM} Sure.
{Abhishek_Punj 6:44:12 PM} I request you to please elaborate on the issue.
FOOTNOTE: I had typed in, in detail, the issue when I requested the chat session.

{ 6:44:48 PM} When the laptop goes to Stand By mode, it sometimes fails to work, and the hard drive keep spinning, and the fan keeps spinning, and it gets extremely hot.
{ 6:45:08 PM} When I try to open the lid to restart, it fails to restart, and has to be hard-shutdown (by holding the power key for 7-10 seconds).
{Abhishek_Punj 6:45:10 PM} Please give me a minute to review your question and in the mean time can you please verify the system shipping address and the telephone number.
{ 6:45:27 PM} [**** Blanketyblank Ave, Sometown, CA 99999
1-999-555-5555
{Abhishek_Punj 6:45:47 PM} Thank you for the information.Please stay online.
{ 6:45:52 PM} Okay.
{Abhishek_Punj 6:46:05 PM} If I understand the issue correctly your system is getting hot.
{ 6:46:11 PM} No.
{ 6:46:18 PM} The problem is that the Stand By doesn't work correctly.
{ 6:46:24 PM} And so it gets hot.
{ 6:46:30 PM} And doesn't restart correctly.
{ 6:46:39 PM} But the problem is that the Stand By mode doesn't work correctly.
{Abhishek_Punj 6:46:54 PM} May I provide you a website link through which with the help of some simple steps this issue can be resolved?
{ 6:47:03 PM} Absolutely not. Out of the question.
{ 6:47:07 PM} I have tried, and it's worthless.
{ 6:47:11 PM} No Help whatsoever.
{Abhishek_Punj 6:47:24 PM} Okay.
{Abhishek_Punj 6:48:24 PM} Please allow me a couple of minutes so that I will be able to provide you with the best resolution.
{ 6:48:29 PM} Fine.
{Abhishek_Punj 6:49:54 PM} Please click on start icon---click on control panel------click on power options.
{ 6:50:24 PM} I am there. Want me to click on the Hibernate tab?
{Abhishek_Punj 6:50:39 PM} Yes.
{ 6:50:45 PM} What next?
{Abhishek_Punj 6:50:50 PM} Click the Start button.
Click Control Panel.
Click Performance and Maintenance.
Click Power Options.
Click the Hibernate tab.
Click to select the Enable hibernate support check box.
Click the Apply button.
Click the Power Schemes tab.
Click the drop down arrow next to System hibernates and select the amount of time to wait before the system hibernates.
Click the Apply button.
Click the OK button.
{ 6:51:54 PM} Did all that. You do realize the problem is with Stand By, and not Hibernate, right?
{ 6:52:11 PM} By the way, Hibernate has ALWAYS been enabled on my computer, since the day I got it.
{Abhishek_Punj 6:52:46 PM} Daniel, hibernate and stand by is the same thing.
{ 6:53:13 PM} Okay, if you say so. Suspect that Microsoft would create two different functions to do the same thing, but okay. What next?
{Abhishek_Punj 6:56:10 PM} Under the Power Schemes tab, change the setting for Turn off hard disks to Never by clicking on the .
Click on OK .
{ 6:57:09 PM} Okay -- for "Plugged In", "Running on Batteries", or both?
{Abhishek_Punj 6:57:29 PM} Both.
{ 6:57:35 PM} Okay.
What next?
{Abhishek_Punj 6:58:03 PM} Please restart the system to resolve the issue.
{ 6:58:40 PM} Okay. I'll restart.
{Abhishek_Punj 6:58:59 PM} Please let me know, are you chatting with the same system?
{ 6:59:09 PM} No. I am on another computer.
{Abhishek_Punj 6:59:16 PM} Okay.
{ 7:01:37 PM} Okay, it's restarted. What now?
{Abhishek_Punj 7:02:02 PM} Please confirm if the issue is resolved or not?
{ 7:03:00 PM} No, it isn't resolved.
{Abhishek_Punj 7:03:08 PM} Okay,
{Abhishek_Punj 7:04:44 PM} [dangr], we need to perform the repair utility to resolve this issue.Is this comfortable with you?
{ 7:05:26 PM} Not if it's the same stuff I already did earlier with the phone representatives. What, specifically, is it?
{Abhishek_Punj 7:06:36 PM} Daniel, this utility is specially designed to tackle with the loopholes in the operating system and to handle with the errors and drivers conflicts.
{ 7:07:07 PM} Fine. How do I get to it?
{Abhishek_Punj 7:07:26 PM} May I provide you a website link through which with the help of some simple steps repair utility can be performed?
{ 7:08:08 PM} NO. ABSOULTELY NOT. You asked me this before, and I said no. The same answer applies now. Help me if you can, or tell me who I talk to next if you cannot help me.
{Abhishek_Punj 7:10:36 PM} Perform the Repair Reinstall
1.Reboot your computer with the Windows XP CD in the CD drive.
2.The following message will appear on a black screen with white letters:
Press any key to boot from the CD.
3.Press the to boot to the Windows XP CD.
4.After several moments of initializing some modules, the Windows XP Setup screen will appear.
5.Press the key.
6.The Windows XP Licensing Agreement appears.
7.Read the license agreement.
8.Press the key to agree.
9.Setup will search for previous versions of Windows.
10.Press the key to repair.
11.Click the Next button.
12.Setup will continue to install files.
13.After several minutes the Welcome to Microsoft Windows window appears.
14.Click the Next button.
15.Click the Next button.
{ 7:10:59 PM} Fine. Please hold while I do these things.
{ 7:11:06 PM} NO!
{Abhishek_Punj 7:11:08 PM} [dangr], I have typed the steps for your satisfaction.
{ 7:11:15 PM} Actually, I don't have a Windows XP CD.
{ 7:11:28 PM} It has been years since WIndows XP CDs shipped with computers, and this is no exception.
{ 7:11:35 PM} I did not receive a Windows XP CD.
{Abhishek_Punj 7:11:45 PM} Not to worry.I will send you the cd to resolve the issue.Is this comfortable with you?
{ 7:12:43 PM} Okay. To be honest, no, I'm not happy with this or comfortable with this approach, but I seem to have little choice, since it appears to be a mystery to Dell tech support that XP CDs don't ship with Dell computers.
So, yes, send me the CD.
{ 7:13:03 PM} Want my address?
{Abhishek_Punj 7:13:08 PM} Please provide me the following details,
1) Complete address (with zip code)
2) Land line telephone number
3) Cell phone number if the landline phone number is not available
{ 7:14:19 PM} [dangr]
12345 Somestreet
Apt. #**
Salt Lake City, UT 841**

landline phone: 999-555-5555
cell phone: 999-555-5555

{Abhishek_Punj 7:15:44 PM} Thank you for the information.Please allow me some time so that I will give you the dispatch number.
{ 7:16:01 PM} I'll wait.
{Abhishek_Punj 7:16:44 PM} Thank you for being online.
{ 7:17:13 PM} It was not a pleasure.
Is that all?
{Abhishek_Punj 7:17:07 PM} The dispatch number is 063****** and you will get the cd with in 48 hours.
{Abhishek_Punj 7:17:51 PM} Is there anything else I may assist you with today?
{ 7:18:22 PM} Not unless you can actually help with my problem, short of me having that CD. Can you?
{Abhishek_Punj 7:20:01 PM} If you want then i can call you back after when you received the cd to confirm that if the issue is resolved or not.
{ 7:20:37 PM} Ummmm, yeah. Sure. Go ahead. I'll be absolutely shocked if this solves the problem, but sure, call me back. I look forward to it.
{Abhishek_Punj 7:20:57 PM} Please provide me your contact number.
{ 7:21:44 PM} Did you not get it when I provided it seven minutes ago?
Here it is again:
landline phone: 999-555-5555
cell phone: 999-555-5555
{Abhishek_Punj 7:21:55 PM} Thank you for the information.
{ 7:22:12 PM} I'm tickled to provide it. Call the cell phone number first, okay?
{Abhishek_Punj 7:22:40 PM} Not to worry.If the issue is not resolved then I will give you a system exchange if you want.
{ 7:22:59 PM} That would be lovely. Thanks. I look forward to your phone call.
{Abhishek_Punj 7:23:29 PM} Thank you,Daniel.It was a pleasure chatting with you.
{Abhishek_Punj 7:23:32 PM} Thank you for visiting Dell Technical
Support online chat and allowing me the opportunity to assist you. I have
included your case number to reference our interaction today. Please keep
this on file; it will assist you when contacting Dell Inc in the future.
Also, feel free to visit us again at
http://support.dell.com/support/topics/blahblahblahblahblahblahblah.html
{ 7:23:44 PM} The pleasure was all mine.
{ 7:23:49 PM} Really.
{Abhishek_Punj 7:24:13 PM} Yes, you are our privileged customer.
{ 7:24:32 PM} I'm ecstatic to hear that. Here, I thought I was just one of millions.
{Abhishek_Punj 7:26:06 PM} Thank you ,[dangr].
{ 7:26:26 PM} No, no: thank you, Abhishek_Punj.

At that point, I asked him if he'd noted in my case reference file that he'd offered to replace my computer if this didn't work, but, surprise surprise, he disconnected as I was sending it.