The great suitcase hunt

I decided I needed a new suitcase. My otherwise very nice 22" roll-aboard style suitcase simply isn't fit for Delta's overhead bins, which seem to be the smallest in the industry. This is a suitcase which has fit on Alaska and United with relative ease, both long-ways (the nice way, wheels-first or wheels-out, that leaves more room for Ma and Pa Kettle's six carryons) and wide-ways (the more obnoxious way, but hey: I actually observed the carryon limit, so if you didn't, I don't want to hear about it.) It has fit even when fairly stuffed, and on various models of planes: basically everything except the loathsome regional jets.

But in the last month, it has barely fit, or not fit at all, on Delta's 737-800, Md-88, or 757-200. With some class irony, carryon bags are significantly more difficult to fit in the first class bins on Delta planes, due to the curvature of the airplane making the bins smaller as you go forward. Ha!

So anyway, yesterday mom, J, and I do a super fun vacation activity (mom's vacation, not ours): we go suitcase shopping. My priorities, in order: a shorter rollaboard (20" or even 19"), fairly thin, four wheels would be nice, hard-side would be frosting on the suitcake.

REI is a big fail, with a ton of overpriced rollaboards, but all 22" or larger. Costco sucks even worse than the last time I looked, selling one large 22" rollaboard, and a three-suitcase set. (Buying sets is usually about as bad of an idea as buying a block full of knives when you really only want two or three of them. When was the last time you needed eight cheap matching steak knives? Similarly, when was the last time you used that 28" monster suitcase that would get you hit with overweight fees if you filled it with anything besides bubble wrap?)

So we go to Macy's. Mom loves Macy's, and it's right across the miserable parking lot from Costco. We proceeded to consider and debate no fewer than twenty different models and approaches, and filled various of them with towels to compare capacity, which Macy's very kindly puts right next to the suitcase department. I'm sure that's what they had in mind. (Or maybe they want people to buy them? Huh. I dunno.)

After about 45 minutes of comparing suitcases in a desolate department relegated to the back 40, a salesclerk shows up and asks if we need help. I politely decline, saying we're just considering all the options. She continues to stand there and shoot us doubtful looks. Mom is sitting on one of the display playforms reading a paperback book. J and I have, at this moment, three or four suitcases laying around on the floor, and mom quips about how we're using their towels to see how much they hold. Salesclerk is nonplussed. She continues to stand there, make unhelpful comments, and generally make us feel somewhat uncomfortable. (Which, in retrospect, was probably intentional.) The only question I have is about the return policy. She initially mumbles something, and then I clarify:

Me: What if I use it for one trip and really hate it?

Salesclerk issues unclear, vague answer, but in sum says nope, that wouldn't be good enough.

Me: What if it won't fit in the overhead bin?

Mom: You know, I've never had a problem with Macy's in with returns: they're always really good about it.

Salesclerk: another mumbled, unclear answer. When pressed for a clarification;

Salesclerk: well, you can't just use it and then return it.

Mom: [good-naturedly] I don't think he's talking about using it like a prom dress and then returning it.

Me: What if the zipper breaks on the first trip?

Salesclerk: well, yes, if the handle totally broke, you could return it.

Uhhhh, okay. Now that the grunting salesclerk has unilaterally re-written Macy's return policy, and essentially accused me of being a prospective thief (over a suitcase that is on sale for $60: yeah, that's worth risking my bar licenses for) I walk away to find other suitcases to compare. Grunting and accusatory salesclerk hovers for a while longer, then then fortunately another customer (only the second customer besides us to venture into the luggage department in about an hour) asks where she can find a five-suitcase set selling for $79. (Gee, those are gonna be really high quality sweatshop suitcases.)

After much consideration, we settle on a suitcase, and go in search of bathrooms. We then wander the third floor to find a cashier. salesclerk #2 really tries to do the right thing, as Macy's apparently works on commission, or at least has some other kind of bonus system for salespeople. she asks the suitcase salesclerk "hey Soandso, where you working with these people?" she starts to walk away with another customer, saying "no, you do it." Salesclerk #2: "well, do you want to type your number in?" Suitcase salesclerk is evidently so unwilling to deal with us again that she just grunts and walks away, so Salesclerk #2 shrugs and types her nnumber in, to get whatever pissass bonus or commission will flow from a $60 suitcase, minus the 10% coupon I printed out from the web.

I get that sometimes retail staff have bad days (I've certainly walked in those shoes) but, Confidential to Macy's: having your sales staff misconstrue/lie about the return policy, and accuse you of wanting to defraud you over a $60 suitcase, is really not A+ sales methodology.