Confidential to our dirty old uncle: you're kinda creepy.

You know, the kind of uncle that you don't like the kids to spend too much time with. You're not really sure he's a perp, but he's mean, and he yells, and you just don't really trust him to be unsupervised with children. Or CEOs of major oilfield services companies.

That's right: our most recent politician to be indicted for federal crimes was on Talk of Alaska on KSKA public radio this morning. The mp3 isn't up on the Talk of Alaska website yet but lemme tell you, it was a doosie. Host Steve Heimel did a bizarrely effective job of running interference for the crooked bastard, and the "ground rules" were that Ted would refuse to talk about the most important thing in his political life, and indeed, arguably the most important thing in the political life of Alaska right now: the fact that he's facing trial in federal court after being indicted on seven criminal counts of failing to report the bribes he has taken over many years from such luminaries as VECO CEO Bill Allen.

But with about half of the callers questioning Ted on the indictment, our angry uncle just couldn't help but yell at them. Loudly. And repeatedly. And sighing loudly and dramatically when callers started out with a question that was apparently not going to be pro-Ted.

Bizarrely, Ted repeatedly insisted that the motions his lawyers filed for him don't necessarily reflect his views, that he hasn't read the motions, that he doesn't know their content, etc. This while he also talked about how he's a lawyer, and has been practicing law for more than 40 years. Oops! He's not actually an active attorney . This might seem like a trivial distinction, but it means he's not allowed to practice law. And no, he's not in active status in the DC bar, either. it'll be fun to see which bar initiates disciplinary proceedings first after he's convicted.

He did, of course, get his share of fawning admirers calling in, who would basically follow the senator to hell. (Unknown yet whether they'll follow him to federal prison.) One guy seemed to have tuned away from the Rush Limbaugh show just long enough to call in and blast all the liberals who have it out for Ted.

Ted didn't do very well with the two or three relatively neutral/undecided callers, at least one of whom really seemed to want to hear something reassuring from him about the indictments, so she could vote for him.

Ted repeatedly insisted that in his traveling all over the state in the last month, this is the first time anyone has asked him about the indictments. He stated after the first two callers that questioned him that it was two more people than have questioned him in the last month. Gosh, Ted: do you think it's because you SCREAM at people who question you, and when you're standing around with bodyguards, it's a little intimidating to question you? Ted literally threatened one caller, saying (I'm paraphrasing here, it's near the end of the show) "I'm ready to go any time..." The caller very evenly responded that he was talking to him now, and he'd like answers to his questions.

Ted also repeatedly talked about how he has to disclose all the gifts he takes, and how everyone knows what he takes. While he was audibly bitter about this, he seemed to possess no sense of irony. Ummm, Ted? You're about to be tried for LYING ON THESE DISCLOSURE FORMS. (Double confidential political advice to Ted: it's probably bad strategy to defend your ethics by reminding people about mandatory disclosures, especially when you make them sound so burdensome.)

I have to hand it to the slippery, corrupt hothead, though: it was a deft political sleight of hand when someone called from Point Lay, Alaska, a village of about 247 on the North Slope. The caller was concerned about seismic explorations for offshore drilling disrupting fishing. Ted talked about how he has always stood up for fishing and sealife harvesting, but hemmed, lightly coughed, and waited for Heimel to switch to another caller when the first caller clarified that it was seismic sounder ships up there for oil exploitation that were the problem. Moral of the story: when someone who you initially think is a political ally is actually complaining that your pro-drilling, pro-mineral exploitation policies are destroying his way of life, just quiet down and wait for the storm to pass. Nice one, Ted!

Ted concluded the show with a weird, vaguely threatening (towards Heimel/KSKA) comment about how he'll have to consider why this is the first time he has had people question him about the indictments.

All in all, it was a crazy show to listen to: alternately beautiful and hideous, comical and creepy. Some might say this summarizes a lot about Alaska. In any event, let's just say that I wouldn't ask this particular uncle to babysit your kids. Unless your kid needs a new Range Rover.